It's my life...

It's funny.

Only a few years ago, I didn't expect my life to become this way.
I had always dreamed of going to uni like all my friends and peers. Getting into a course regarding textiles or fashion design, or maybe even BA regarding languages.

At the time, I only thought about the 3-4 years I would be in uni.

Now... I'm turning 20 in a few weeks, with already a plan of my life.

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OYAKATA-SAMA!!!!!!!!!!

The awesomeness that is Gakuen Basara XD I can usually handle crack but this is just a thing of its own.

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Time to change...

Today's been a waste. Was feeling majorly bummed out from yesterday and decided maybe I need a day off.

So I went out and got myself Ivan accessory, ate at Pepper lunch and visited the Japanese $2.99 store/grocery.

Funny that the one thing that cheers me up most is yaoi XD I saw vol.2 of Kurashina sensei's passion and my face just lit up. I'm such a simpleton XD

But yes, I've been reflecting and realised how uncalled for I was. I shouldn't have publicly bitched about anyone. I really need to learn to control my emotions and to be less honest about everything. As you know, being honest doesn't get you anywhere in life.

Anyways... I feel that what I did was wrong because it was still uncalled for.

I feel like I need to change as a person really.

No more sobfest and bitch wangst in my life.

I need to become stronger and more positive about it.

FIGHTING ~

rest day is good day. YAY GERMANY!!

My morning started off at 4:30am, watching Germany VS Australia.
Like the traitorous aussie I am, I was supporting for Deutschland >D I'm evil, I know >D
Germany won by 4-0. It was an exciting match. Australia's defenses collapsed in the offensive attack. They looked bad only because Germany was really good. Not the only way around.

Looking forward to the match tonight with Denmark and Netherlands. Supporting Netherlands, Guus Hiddink's homeland and Juu-chan's heritage :3

Today was the 'Queen's birthday' (which I inverted, as it's just another day for us Aussie's to take a break from). So I finally got the break I deserved >D What did I do? I slept in, was bored out of my mind, so I dragged dad out to check out the Puma store in Alexandria.

SUPER SALE *o* Need to go back again and buy some track pants, polo shirts and maybe some nice casual sports shoes. I'm getting into sports/outdoor fashion. However... truly, I'm still inspired by punk fashion. Need to buy that earring soon for Ivan. I need to start the process of expanding my earring hole. Sounds painful, right? I did it was Six, so I'm totally use to it XD I really want to get another piercing on my ears.

On a lower note... I went through my whole twitter and 'unfollowed' some people. Not like anything in particular, but just those who I'm not as close to and also... I'm slowly detaching myself from it all. Cosplay use to define who I was... now, I need to move away from all that. *sigh*

On an interesting note... I found Michelle Wie to be a rather interesting person. I didn't realise she had a blog about her everyday life, which is very interesting. She seems quite talented and artistic. I really love her cooking recipes and her DIY work. She's got some great ideas and tries to put them into practice, whether or not they come out 100% successful or not. I think she does a great job and it's very interesting and unique with what she comes out with. If she started her own brand, I'd totally follow it or maybe even follow it, she does have a lot of vintage inspired aspects of her designs. Anyways, she seems a lot more interesting than what the internet and LPGA commentators make her out to be.

http://ablackflamingo.blogspot.com/

I'm totally not stalking golfers on the internet *shifty eyes* XDDD

Really not looking forward to waking up at 5:30am tomorrow *facepalm*

round 2 events.... shopping 8DDD

My day was pretty fail...

We got a relatively fail score today, both net and scratch. Everytime I hit it onto the middle of the fairway, my partner shanked it into the trees or into the hazard or whatever. I did the same to him. I putted sooo badly and just couldn't read the greens very well today.

In the end, it was a valuable experience. Let's just say I don't ever want to play with random people picked for me. He was nice, but it was very awkward today... He wasn't... normal in respect to people I know. He reminded me sooo much of Chris, my ex... which kind of scared me ><

I seem to attract the weirdest people. I swear to god... sometimes I wonder if golf turns me off from guys. Haven't met a decent guy whom I thought was genuinely someone I could call a companion or friend (other than Max my coach or Chris the other coach). Why does it all feel like they're all interested me in some weird way? I get so turned off from it. It's like urgh DDD< Can you please leave me alone? My last experience makes me feel like I don't want a boyfriend FOR A LONG TIME orz

On other news...

My mummy and daddy took me shopping today <3 YAY!!!!

They got me 2 jackets, 1 wet weather pants, 5 tops and 2 hats. We basically got all the necessities out of the way. MAJOR sales everywhere so I was having so much fun getting stuff. Only problem is that mum gets a bit too carried away, same with dad. However... we did spend like $500 orz however, seeing they're very good quality mountain/ski gear... I guess it's worth the money. Now I won't be freezing my ass off waiting for the bus at 6am in the morning \^o^/

Kind of meh right now...it'll be nice to take a day off tomorrow... but I wish I could be doing something nice tomorrow >M<

FIFA starto & mixed foursomes round 1!

Really should be asleep, but watching Argentina and Nigeria's match. Korea won against Greece, which was obvious. Greece was just really rough and korea was the better team in the match. Still worried for Korea when they fight against Argentina. We might get pwned REALLY badly orz Hoping we'd win or at least get a draw with Nigeria to be able to qualify through to the next round.

Aside from that. Injuries are still affecting me. My chest/diaphragm still hurts. Ankle and wrists are playing up, had to bandage my ankle for round 1 of mixed foursomes. Another one today @ 9:25am. Need to sleep VERY soon. Might need another toilet break before sleeping... not feeling too great.

Played meh today. Not my best... putting pretty badly. Chipping isn't too great and my irons could seriously be better. Luckily my tee shots with my driver has been good.

Shot 13 over on the front 9, while 7 over in the back 9. We did well on the back 9. Unfortunately, lost 3-4 shots because of my bad putting. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. My partner is awesomely good in his putting, which saves me *phew* but he's a chain smoker >D but a nice guy so I'm having heaps of fun with him and 2 other players in my group >D

Really do hope tomorrow is better!!! Need to leave at 8am. So need to wake up at 7, warm up and swing @ 7:30am and leave home at 8am.

8 mins till my yaoi finishes downloading.

NUUU!!! Read 2nd chapter of Punch Up! v3. Poor Kouta DDDD< I feel sorry for Maki-san, but at the same time, he kind of deserved it. He has his reasons for pushing him like that, but at the same time, he should've trusted him and his feelings. Oh well, hoping for the best between them... and the Q-tip >DDD

Time for bed <3

ja ne ~

Monthly clean up

Not feeling too great today. I think I must've pulled some muscle or something on my upper chest (the diaphragm, me thinks >D). It's making it hard to breathe and affects my swing unfortunately orz.

Tomorrow is the mixed foursomes rnd 1 at my home club Lane Cove. Slightly worried since my swing hasn't been the same as Wednesday. I was hitting amazing shots that day, but maybe I'm affected by tiredness now. Just got to suck it up and work hard till this Sunday.

Today was my cleaning day. So all my clubs are clean and spotless. Golf balls have been marked and cleaned as well.

balls

So many balls >DDD I have more practice balls, but these are the ones I prefer to use. 14 of them being the main ones in play. Half of the lot are titleists, but I'm not much of a fan of those soft balls. Maybe it's because I feel uncomfortable using such elite balls >DDD Anyways, my preferences are srixons or callaways. Would like to get a doxen solarius/pearl HX from the callaway series. But sooo expensive >< 12 balls for $59!!!

Currently watching the State farm classics. You know, after watching such an exciting weekend of the memorial last weekend... it makes it rather boring watching the females play. There's just no excitement at the moment. Many of them are missing the greens. 20-40 feet putts. Going into the rough. Swings are too slow and pretty. Girls wearing big earrings and lots of make up... I dunno... I really enjoy watching PGA tour more than the LPGA...

Anyways... better make some dinner and head to bed early tonight.

Need to be up at 7, leave at 7:30am and be at Moore park for lesson and warm up before the big round at 11.

Ganbarremasu ~

Leonardo Di Caprio + Zac Efron = Rickie Fowler?!!

After watching the Jack Nickalus memorial tournament, I've been intrigued by this guy. 21 years old, joined the PGA tour only in 2009. Came 2nd place which is really good. He was so close to winning, as he was 3 shots ahead from bogey free 3 rounds. Pity he got that bad double bogey, but he still played brilliantly.

However, from looking at the slow motion swing of his driver... he's got an insane rotation for the shoulders and powerful rotation. Like almost freakish that it's awesome >8D It's amazing how he could control the timing of his hips while his shoulders continue to maneuver.



When I first saw him, I was like it looks like Zac Efron!!! But then WHAT THE HELL!!! It's like Zac Efron, photoshopped with Lenardo Di Caprio's facial features >D I find that pretty epic lols >D My mum was the one who realised he wasn't full American. I don't know how mum saw, but apparently he's a quarter japanese. Interesting...

Rickie Fowler and Rory McIlroy are two guys to look at in the PGA tour >8D There's also Jason Day... but meh... lol XD

Anyways, it seems that I'm getting more and more into golf. That's good I suppose XD

Long long good bye...

MASS YAOI DOWNLOAD >8DDD

- Kill me
- Ai Dano Koi Dano
- Mimi-kun no boy no kisetsu
- Green Peace
- Ai ga aru kara
- Eien no Shichigatsu

Let's so how these go... Ootsuki Miu spammage >D

On another note... extreme golf on the way... currently on my 6th day... mixed foursomes this weekend... Feeling the pressure and the weight on me. Really want a day off... but I suppose that's why life *sigh* so glad next week isn't so stressful as this one orz

handicap really hasn't changed in this month... couldn't pull off getting it past 30... still struggling. I guess I just need to get my mental state right I suppose... Gotta stay positive and happy...

It's funny...

a part of me is telling me that I'm glad I pulled out of Madman nationals... I mean, I just really don't have the time. What I do is more rigorous than just studying or working. I'm physically working out for more than 6+ hours. On days like today, waking up at 4:45am and coming home at past 6... I don't think I can handle sewing...

I suppose maybe it's time for me to take a long deserved break from cosplay. Which leads me to say... after the LD1 shoot... I shall pack away all my stuff and move on... focus on the more important things in life. I'll come back to it some time in my life, but I think I just need the break from it right now.

Which leads me to say... other than maybe attending Main animania Sat to support my friends in WCS... I shall not be attending any more conventions.

There really is no point of me having any connection to conventions or cosplay if I quit... right? I mean, it's been occurring to me recently.

It's really sad in a way... because I feel like I've made friends with such amazing people. However, sometimes I feel it is an illusion. Maybe it's just me... but through my years of having different friendships... people are just fickle... it cannot be helped. Wholeheartedly, I tried... I couldn't say I haven't... but I haven't been the best a person can be. However, someone asked me how many people I am close to... I probably can't respond confidently.

Whatever... in the future, we'll see...

RANT RANT RANT

My life is so fucking fail right now that all I wanna do sometimes is curl in a fetal position and just cry my heart out.

This week is turning out to be one fucking crap week.

Other than unnecessary drama in my family, things just tend to go from bad to worse.

Mum had a car crush... with the fucking wall.

Knowing her, she was stressing about all sorts of crap and because of her body being weak, she lost control and pressed the accelerator instead of the break.

She tells me that it's partly my fault... which then turns to it being related to cosplay.

It's always the cosplay that is to blame.

The fact that I can't do what I enjoy, it just pisses the shit out of me. I compromise my time by staying at home instead of going out. The least I can do is to enjoy myself and sew, which keeps my mind away from golf.

I do it literally 7 times a week now.... can't I just have some fucking break when I come home?! *sigh*

Anyways, my mum's always telling me to rethink about everything. Always threatening me and stressing me out. My low confidence and self esteem issues stream from mum's constant nagging and anguish. It's really eating me inside.

Anyways, this has become the last straw. I need to appease to my mother as it's not just my life, but also my sister's life in my hands.

I'm seriously sick of this... but I guess that's what happens when you have asian parents.

I feel like it's tearing me inside having to send an email to Sly that I'm forfeiting from the Madman nationals comp, especially since I've been working so hard on getting things done for the comp.

My only opportunity to cosplay was here during the 6 months I'm staying in Aus... now, I feel like I might never get the opportunity again.

It just really saddens me that I can't do something that I enjoy anymore because of the anguish it creates from another party.

I fucking hate you life.

I hate the fact this country is screwing with my life.

I hate that I couldn't go to Melbourne for my Fashion Design workshop/interview.

I hate that I couldn't go to RMIT for my course.

I hate you that I can't get a job or study.

I hate you for screwing me over for 10 fucking years.

I hate you so much...

fail is my life la

Feeling slightly depressed at the moment...

Other than getting a low score despite playing well... that's really not the reason why I feel this way.

It's just disappointing I guess that I have no money at the moment. I pretty much lost my only possible job because I was sick of being treated like shit for the last 3 years.

A part of me is glad I quit, while another is angry because now I have no way of supporting myself for a very busy month.

I CANNOT ask mum for money. There is no fibre in my body that will let my pride down for me to ask my mum for money especially when it comes to cosplay *sigh*

I have literally $50-60 left... I need more blue fabric and delustered red satin, which is roughly like $100... plus money to get into the convention and blah blah blah.

I hate my situation. If it was that easy for me, I'd go get a job right now... but because of my fucking circumstances, I can't do that.

I get so bitter about everything.

I really shouldn't be cosplaying, but with deadlines coming up, I'm feeling rather screwed right now *facepalm*

Just want to rant *headdesk*

Time to get back into cosplay mode right now...
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Midorine

Author:Midorine
こんにちは、わたし は リンネです。

私が好きなもの: コスプレ, ボーイズラブ, コミック, ベーキング, ビデオゲーム, 漫画とアニメ, ソーイング, ゴルフ, ポールダンス.
私は好きではないもの: ピンク, 雨, 芝刈り機, 嫌な人.

私のブログを訪問していただきありがとうございます!

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