Realisation about life...

You know... it's always been told and I felt like it really didn't sink in until tonight.

A lot of people have told me that I have no respect for myself. I never really understood this until now. I didn't realise my behavior caused that much of a bad reputation amongst my peers.

I'm looking back and reflecting what I have done. I suppose I reap what I sow in terms of interactions with people. There's so many pairs of eyes watching, that I really need to becareful of how I do things. I didn't realise that talking to so many guys and just being overly friendly has led to people misunderstanding my intentions completely.

I come off as a person who likes to 'socialise', only because I force myself. I worry constantly that I'm not interacting enough. I suppose in that respect, I lose the 'mysterious' and 'aloof' aspect of one's characteristics. The irony behind all this is, no one really knows what I'm really like. People think they've all got me figured out, but most of the time, I'm so conscious about my surroundings that I lose track of myself.

Anyways, part of my NY resolutions was to be more confident. In that respect, I need to gain confidence in myself and rely less on people. Do what needs to be done, and don't go beyond to impress these boys. What do I have to gain from these guys? What do I have to prove?

Nothing.

That's what.

I need to learn to respect myself more, in order for other people to respect me. As seeds of greatness taught us, how can you expect other people to love you when you don't love yourself?

Thus... I shall focus on my studies and golf. I will not socialise beyond the extent that needs to be done. If I get invited, I shall kindly decline. I'll slowly draw myself away from these people and try to keep to myself. I need to contain myself and just try and gather the pieces that I have broken along the way.

It's hard to change first impressions and reputations... but I can redeem myself to the point that I'm happy with myself.

Because clearly... I'm really not happy with myself right now. Hearing about these things of what people think of me, I don't care to the point that I do care at the same time. Even with the guy I like... I've given him too much leverage.

Hell, I've given everyone too much leverage for everything. I've let people stomp all over me. From now on, that will change. I'm trying to change myself. This should be one of the things I aim to do right now.

I will strive to be better than what I am. I will change. I will no longer let people have control over me. I will not let them trample on me and have leverage over me. I will be better than what I am now.
Profile

Midorine

Author:Midorine
こんにちは、わたし は リンネです。

私が好きなもの: コスプレ, ボーイズラブ, コミック, ベーキング, ビデオゲーム, 漫画とアニメ, ソーイング, ゴルフ, ポールダンス.
私は好きではないもの: ピンク, 雨, 芝刈り機, 嫌な人.

私のブログを訪問していただきありがとうございます!

Latest journals
Monthly archive
友達リンク

Category
FC2 Counter
Calendar
12 | 2012/01 | 02
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31 - - - -
やおい リンク

Link
Friend request form

Want to be friends with this user.