Shadow of love.


真実なら 悲しいだけ

* Trust in me
Will you trust in me
指先でたどる星 見えるでしょう

あなたが その人

越えてゆけると 信じるだけ

Trust in me
Will you trust in me
夢の中 何度でも

Am I a bad person if I'm with one person, but I'm talking to another person? I always thought it was bad to talk to your exes. I've always disliked that, but recently... I can't back that up.
I've been talking to my ex boyfriend who's always been a big factor in my life. We're now very close friends again.

On the other side, I like someone.

We spend time together, have a few laughs, talk and text. The usual stuff. However, I feel like it's either going to go nowhere, or it might get weird and everything will fall apart if I ask questions. Some things are better left unsaid, as I value this friendship too much.

Recently I've been too busy. But every lingering moment I have, or whenever I see this person; I start to get nervous. When did I ever get nervous around this person? He's always been so supportive, so I never really noticed until some time ago.

I kill myself with my thoughts, thinking the 'what ifs' in life. I worry about whether he'll judge me differently. I use to feel so comfortable around him... now I feel worried and I'm constantly thinking about my actions. Am I lingering around too much? Am I saying too much? Do I text too much? It use to be that he'd text me all the time, but now the tables have turned.

I'm worried that he doesn't care as much as he use to.

However... the real question is... when did my feelings change? He was a friend I could confide in. Someone I could take refuge around. However... when did I start relying on him that much? I feel like I'm only going to get hurt in the end with these feelings.

I know there's something between us. There's no doubt about it. But whether or not I'm that right person... I guess I'll never know.

Thinking about that actually hurts me.

It's been close to 2 months I've felt this anxiety and happiness. I suppose it's a perfectly good sign. We've been friends for close to 5 months now.

I suppose what I'm worried about most is that when he graduates... we'll lose that connection. I feel like he'll cut that string that we've tied on each other's fingers. I know it's a corny reference to use, but I fear the severance of our connection.

I really should put more faith in our friendship. However... no one has had any problems severing ties with me. What if this is the same? I've never been the type to make an impact on someone. I'm worried this might be the case as well. I'll just be 'another girl' to him. This really does upset.

I'm going to stop here. Need to stop thinking so much about this. I'm thinking way too much about this.


Private comment



こんにちは、わたし は リンネです。

私が好きなもの: コスプレ, ボーイズラブ, コミック, ベーキング, ビデオゲーム, 漫画とアニメ, ソーイング, ゴルフ, ポールダンス.
私は好きではないもの: ピンク, 雨, 芝刈り機, 嫌な人.


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