There's only one thing we can do.

There's only one thing we can do. We must kill the batman.

God, I need to stop making stupid references all the time lol.

All weekend I've spent thinking about the same thing over and over again.

Frankly, I have more to lose than to gain. I've invested way too many emotions into this over the last couple of weeks. Really, is it worth it? Not really. It's counter productive and I know it'll never end well. It never does. Out of the number of interactions I've had with the opposite gender... only 2 has come around. I know I need to change that, but I'm afraid to lose what I have already. Even then, it took many many years to recover the relationship we had before going out.

However... the one thing that upsets me is the possibility that the person might be with someone else. I know they don't have anyone... I think. But knowing that there's someone else... what will I do? I'm so use to being the one breaking up first that I don't know where my feelings end up anymore. My first proper relationship ended up being disastrous. My feelings being dormant for a good 4 years after it. I suppose I've never really felt rejection in the way of me feeling so strongly for someone else. One guy was a complete fucking douche bag, so he doesn't count. I was idiotic and just plain frustrating to say the least.

I suppose it's better to just bury the feelings I have. It's probably better for the both of us. I can forget that I've ever had those feelings. We'll continue the way its always been. Eventually it'll die out. We'll both go onto different paths. He'll end up getting married in a couple of years, while I'll continue to tread through life the way I have always done before.

One thing that constantly comes up... will I ever regret it? I've had a few regrets in my life. I suppose if there gets to a point where I feel like we're drifting away, I might say my peace. Better than living with the what ifs in life. I know we'll both just laugh about it and move on. Just another memory in our lives. That's why I like him so much. He's so optimistic, earnest and so full of life. He see's the positives, even while accepting that the world isn't perfect. I admire him so much. At the same time, I dislike some of his characteristics. I suppose being blind to everything around you isn't a good idea. I remember what it was like previously. I'd only see the positives, then the negatives would morph into something awful as it manifested itself into a ball of negative energy.

I suppose all I can do is go on the same. Try to ignore these feelings. Make peace with myself slowly. See life the way it is suppose to be seen.


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こんにちは、わたし は リンネです。

私が好きなもの: コスプレ, ボーイズラブ, コミック, ベーキング, ビデオゲーム, 漫画とアニメ, ソーイング, ゴルフ, ポールダンス.
私は好きではないもの: ピンク, 雨, 芝刈り機, 嫌な人.


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